The struggle is real when you’re learning to co-parent

Never in a million years did I think I would be a single dad.

As my first Christmas co-parenting approaches, I can’t help thinking that this isn’t how I imagined my life to be, how things don’t always turn out the way you expect when you start a family.

We are brought up with the notion that single dads are useless, that it’s always better for children to be part of the traditional family with both parents than each alone. Because it was imprinted into me that coming from a broken home was so difficult for children growing up, I have personally really struggled with the feeling that I have failed my daughter because her mom and I are no longer together. 

It’s been a really difficult process for me to accept that this relationship is over, but I have also come to terms with the fact that that doesn’t mean that our family is over - it just looks different now.

The truth is, it’s better to be a single parent if the relationship no longer works than to bring your little one up in an environment where their parents are arguing and not getting along.

I've learned that if you can co-parent well with your child's other parent, then you can smash being the best version of yourselves for your child and still be exactly what they need. You don't have to be together for that, sometimes it’s actually better to be apart, and that what matters is that your child has a great upbringing with you both working together and being on the same page.

At first it can be hard to work out doing things alone that you would have done together, to find new ways to share your time and experiences, but you'll get there and discover you can still give them exactly what they need from their parents.

Going through this experience on your own can be really tough, so it’s okay to ask for support. Having friends and family there for both me and my daughter has been a massive help. Another thing is being able to get on well with her mom to make sure we give her the best childhood; while working together, I know we will. The most important thing, no matter the differences that you might have, is to be on the same page about what you want for your child.

The advice that I'd give for other parents in the same situation is to not hold onto the past of whatever hurt you and ended your relationship, but use this to be better and be the parents your little one deserves. Your relationship may have ended, but don’t forget you have this person that needs you and that should be your main focus. Look forward from the past and focus on the present and your future with them because they are worth every second of what you’ve been through.

So whether it’s your first Christmas, or your child’s first birthday co-parenting and you are struggling, just know that you’re not alone and a lot of parents are going through the same thing as you and can relate. It may be difficult to see other families celebrating all together and wishing you had the same, but what your child will remember and appreciate when growing up is that mom and dad were both there for them, whether or not they were together.

Being a parent is a hard job, and all you can do is the best you can, whatever that looks like. Even if it’s not the traditional family set up, what your child will remember and appreciate most is that both parents were there for them and showed up in their own way. That’s what’s important, and that’s what I hold onto.

Never in a million years did I think I would be a single dad, but now that I am, I’m trying to be the best I can be.

Written by KB