The struggle is real… when you’re in the last year of your 20s

A few weeks ago I turned 29, the pivotal last year of my 20s. 

Being in your 20s/30s is a weird time. It’s a transitional period when suddenly you’re expected to know everything that you want to do with your years, whether that’s in terms of career, getting a house, getting married, or having children. But it’s also supposed to be the best time of your life, with the free abandon to enjoy it as much as you can. 

Some people are settled down, married, expecting their third child, while others are in flatshares and going out every weekend. While some have climbed the career ladder to prestigious corporate positions, others have dropped everything to go travelling for six months.

But how do you do both? What happens when you feel like you’re floundering, failing at everything, and you aren’t sure about any of those things in your life?

When she was my age, my mom had a house, a husband, an eight year old and a four year old. I have literally not one of those things, and I’m not honestly not sure I ever will. I don’t want to get married or have children, and buying a house in this market honestly seems impossible. Sometimes I’m not sure what the next step is for me, and it makes me feel like I’m doing something wrong when all my friends seem to have it worked out.

When I was a kid, people in their 30s seemed so old, like proper adults, who just knew everything. Now that I'm that age, I realise that everyone is just faking it until they make it, deciding what to have for dinner every night until the end of time.

I don’t feel qualified at all to give advice, but now that I have gone through my 20s, here are some things I wish someone had told me, and which I think are helpful for anyone feeling the same.

1. You don’t need to have it all figured out

In the words of the iconic Phoebe from F.R.I.E.N.D.S, ‘I don’t have a plan. I don’t even have a pla-’.

It might feel like you’re at the age where you need to have a plan for your career, relationship, or have a certain age in mind when you’d like to settle down, buy a house, get married or have kids.

It feels like everyone is looking to the next step. But it’s okay to not know what the next step is.

We’re all on different paths in life, and what I’m trying to remind myself (although it’s hard) is that I’m not falling behind everybody else just because we’re not in the same place. 

It’s okay to rent, it’s okay to be single, it’s okay to be between jobs, and it’s okay to not know what the f you’re doing.

2. It’s never too late to do something

It’s nice to have goals and ambitions, but just because you haven’t achieved something by a certain age, doesn’t mean that you won’t. I had loads of things I had aspired to do before I was 30 (such as become a publish author, my ultimate goal) and I haven’t achieved any of them.

The late Alan Rickman had his first acting role in 1985’s Die Hard at aged 41, and went on to have an incredibly successful career. Viola Davis is one of the most renowned actors in Hollywood, but she didn’t have her film debut until the 2008 film Doubt when she was 43 years old, which garnered her an Oscar nomination.

The point is, it’s never too late and you’re never too old to achieve something you want to. Don’t create cut offs for yourself that don’t need to be there.

     3. Celebrate how far you’ve come 

Instead of looking back and thinking about your lost youth in despair with a glass of wine, think how far you’ve come and how much you’ve learned along the way.

I may not be as young as I was when I was 20 with as much time ahead, but in the years from then until now I’ve travelled to some amazing places, made wonderful memories with my friends and family, been able to do some cool things in my career, and learnt and grown in ways that I wouldn’t have been able to do without time and experience on my side.

      4. Remember you’re still in your F.R.I.E.N.D.S season

While it makes me feel a little queasy that I’m older than the cast of F.R.I.E.N.D.S were when they started the show, because they seemed so adult when I watched it as a kid, it’s nice to remind myself that I’m still only in season six. The seventh season is when the friends turn 30, which means I still have almost half of the seasons left to go!

Think of everything that happens in that time, and your TV show is far from over.

     5. 30 is still young! 

There is a tendency to fetishize young women, and to be surprised when anyone over the age of 30 ‘looks so young still!’

I think society forgets that women don’t turn to dust the second they leave their 20s, and that in the grand scheme of things, 30 is actually super young. 

Don’t worry. You look amazing sweetie, and you have loads of time to figure everything out.

Written by Ally McLaren
Editor

Hi, I’m Ally, Editor of This Modern Struggle Magazine.

You may have seen my writing in Mouthy Magazine or Darling Magazine. I currently work in Marketing and PR and do freelance copywriting on the side. I also have experience in journalism and feature writing for women’s magazines and national press.

When I’m not writing you can find me eating pizza, stroking my cat and watching true crime documentaries.

I started this magazine for all the fellow strugglers who feel the same way that I do; like everyone else has it all figured out and you just don’t know what you’re doing in life.